


Do Not Say No

by HouseholdGlitter



Series: En faire tout un fromage [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Caregiver Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Caregiver Hercules Mulligan, Caregiver John Laurens, Hamilton has ADHD, Law Student Alexander Hamilton, Little Alexander, Little Hamilton, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Polyamory, Undiagnosed ADHD, genderqueer lafayette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25650259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseholdGlitter/pseuds/HouseholdGlitter
Summary: Alexander has a secret coping mechanism that he hasn’t let himself use since moving in with the three loves of his life. But like most works of this type, that rears it’s ugly head eventually.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Series: En faire tout un fromage [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868794
Comments: 23
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was heavily inspired by the CGLRE-Hamilton series by That_Jett_Kid, definitely check it out if you haven’t already, which was inspired by Hamiltots by schugglebug, though I don’t think that series is around anymore. Point is, lots of inspiration all around.

Alexander could not think back to the first time his particular way of destressing had popped up, but he had assumed that after moving in with the three people who were the absolute loves of his life, that it would no longer be something he needed. And it seemed, for a while everything was perfect. Sharing an apartment meant he had enough money for food, books, presents for his partners and even a little extra, it meant more frequent sex which definitely helped calm his stress levels, and most importantly he shared a home with the people he adored most in the world, everything was new and exciting and perfect, until he felt his little coping mechanism trying to scratch its way to the surface. 

He came home in a seething rage from debating in his Federal Budget Policy seminar with some guy he’d never even seen around campus, when he got home Alexander pushed past Lafayette’s attempt at a greeting and locked himself in the spare bedroom that functioned as his office, sitting down at the desk in the middle of the room, reaching down to the drawer he had left slightly ajar. Today had royally sucked. 

He went to bed at 1 in the morning only to wake up at 1:30 with the realization that the real reason he couldn’t finish his paper for his class Election Law was actually because his office was too cluttered, so he set to work transferring his notes he had written on Post it’s and napkins into his notebook, putting all the stray pens everywhere into his pen holder, reorganizing his bookshelves alphabetically and by subject, but was cut off when he started moving his desk to the other side of the room to be closer to the bookcase by John. 

John looked around the room with five full trash bags, notebooks in scattered piles on the floor, and about fifty Post its stuck to each bookcase with his boyfriend in the middle of it all trying to push his heavy desk across the thick rug. Alexander had bags under his eyes and his hair was tied up in a messy bun, but there was a familiar look of determination on his face. Determination that John was hell bent on squashing for the night. 

“What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing?” His voice came out in a low snarl. Not only was he too tired to yell but his partners were somehow still sleeping, and his point would be diminished if he was the one waking them up. Alexander shrugged. 

“I have to finish my paper.” He responded as if it were obvious. 

“What in the actual fuck does that have to do with moving furniture at four in the goddamn morning?” Alexander picked up his phone which was at 5%, and shit. It was four. 

“Fuck, I need to go to sleep.” Alex said suddenly feeling his exhaustion. John glared at him and harrumphed his agreement, and grabbed his hand walking him out of the room, and headed towards the bedroom. Alexander stopped, “I’m going to sleep on the couch Sweetheart. I don’t want to wake the others.” John had just enough energy to roll his eyes. 

“Wish you’d thought about that an hour ago. I love you. Sleep. We both need to wake up in a couple hours.” Alex smiled sheepishly and pulled his exhausted partner in for a kiss. 

“I love you, and did I mention I’m very very very sorry?” 

“Yeah yeah yeah.” John gave him another peck and retreated back to the bedroom while Alex laid down on the couch. He came back into the room a minute later with a fluffy blanket to find his boyfriend dead to the world. “I love you my deranged night owl.” He whispered, covered him up, and kissed his forehead then went back to get another two hours of sleep before work. 

Alexander dreamed about his home and the last he saw of it before waking up to John shaking him awake. 

“Honey are you okay?” John asked carefully. Alex felt very small and afraid when he woke up, and it took him a moment to notice that he was crying and he needed to breathe. He wanted nothing more than to run to his office and snuggle with his bear, Manny and get his paci and blanky he kept hidden in his desk despite assuming he’d never need them again. He was sleepy and scared and he really really wanted to not have to think, but John was here. John was here waking him up to go to work, and as soon as he got off he’d have to go to class, and most importantly John didn’t know about what he had hidden in his desk. 

John waited patiently hand still on his boyfriend’s back. Poor Alex looked absolutely terrified but there was something else too. A look he’d only seen a few times back when they lived in the same building a few floors apart. Every time Alex got that look on his face he’d quickly excuse himself to his own apartment, which is why John had no idea what to do now. Give him space or offer comfort? He had to fight himself not to scoop him up into a bear hug and kiss away all the tears on the sad frightened face. 

Alex quickly did his best to pull himself together, but when he began to sit up he noticed that his lower half was wet. Mortification washed over him, and he pushed down the need to cry more. Had John noticed? Alex stole a glance down, but luckily the blanket covered any evidence for now. If John knew Laf and Hercules were sure to follow and then Alex would be on his own unable to even look his partners in the eye again. He steadied his breath as best he could. 

“W-What t-time is it?” He winced at the shakiness in his voice. He had to be a big boy. His partners had moved in with a man not a stupid baby. John pulled out his phone. 

“It’s 6:30. We’re going to be a little late but it’s okay. Do you want to call out Honey?” He asked gently, moving his hand up to stroke Alexander’s hair, only for his boyfriend to pull back from the touch. John frowned and took a step back. “It’d be okay you know. You always take extra shifts.” Alexander worked on further composing himself and getting John out of the room. As much as he’d love to take a day off, the very thought terrified him, what if he didn’t make enough for rent this month? Laf and Herc already paid more because they insisted on paying based on income when both John and Alexander insisted on chipping in, and Alexander was going to pay his fair share. What if the store ended up being busy today and everyone including John ended up hating him? What if today was the day the owner cracked down on absenteeism and he was fired as an example after John helped him get this job? Alex took another shaky breath and held it til it felt steady, not daring to look at the concerned look on his boyfriend’s face. 

“Why don’t you head out?” He said. “I need a minute. I’ll catch up.” John frowned, maybe this was just something Alex needed to deal with by himself, the problem was that he loves this man to death and really didn’t want him to have to be alone in whatever happened to be going on. His instinct was to call out for both of them and stay home to take care of his boyfriend, but he risked making him even more uncomfortable by staying. Later tonight, he thought to himself, we’ll have a talk. 

“Okay, but take another hour okay? At least calm down.” He hesitated before leaning down to kiss the top of his head and catching a whiff of—oh—John struggled not to say anything. This was why Alexander wanted him to leave. He wanted to tell him that it’s okay, and help him clean up, but again, he risked getting him more worked up, he recognized that his boyfriend had a big albeit well deserved ego, and now may not be the time. Tonight, he thought, after he’s calmed down. As he left he pulled out his phone and texted his other boyfriend and his partners, “A is having a bad day, please keep an eye out” 

Only Alexander didn’t calm down for the rest of the day, after scrubbing the couch as well as he could, turning the cushion over, and sneaking into their room to grab a change of clothes, he realized he didn’t know what to do with his sodden clothes or the blanket, and he didn’t have time for a shower. He nearly let a sob escape. Laf would be up in twenty minutes. It was bad enough one of his partners had nearly caught him so close to a little moment. He didn’t need to double or god forbid triple that. He decided to scrub down in the bathroom and change and chuck the soiled clothes and blanket in his office, but when he walked in he stubbed his toe on his desk, and the tears welled up all over again. He hobbled back to the door and locked it, before slumping down to the floor and quietly sobbing. He crawled back to his desk and pulled out Manny. He almost reached for his paci before remembering that he couldn’t do this now. He needed to leave in five minutes, and that made him cry harder. He hugged his teddy close to him, burying his face in the soft brown fur. It helped to calm him down. “I’m sorry Manny, I gotta be a big boy now and do ‘dult stuff.” He hiccuped when most of the tears were out. “I love you lots but I love John and Laf and Herc and I wish you could meet them but they wouldn’t like me no more.” Another few tears escaped. “It’s not your fault Manny, it’s all mine, promise.” He wrapped his pinky as much as he could around the bear’s paw. He gave him a kiss and set him ever so gently back in the drawer. “I’m sorry you gotta stay there Manny. I’ll be back later. I promise.” He started to close the drawer before opening it and propping him up so the black eyes could see out and leaving the drawer slightly open. “Now you can keep an eye out.” He whispered, kissing his finger and poking it through the drawer one last time. Heaving a big sigh before grabbing his phone to check the time, and of course it was dead, and of course he had put the charger he had in his office somewhere that made sense at the time, only to bewilder him now, maybe he could sneak one out of the bedroom if no one had woken up yet. He started to leave, looked back at his desk wistfully, and gently tugged the door shut. 

“Good morning mon petit ami. Je t’aime.” A voice sang as he tried to sneak through the kitchen. 

“Hey. Love you too Laf. I have to go.” Alex said shortly and gruffly he pretended to look down at his dead phone to hide his tear stained face. 

“No breakfast?” Lafayette asked facing the stove. “No comment on how the French person is making French toast? Truly I am wounded Alexander.” He asked drolly. 

“Not this morning Laf I’m seriously late,” Alexander replied in monotone searching for his key and wallet. 

“John texted me, that the bookstore are very slow this morning, and that I should do my very best to be convincing you to stay home.” Lafayette responded turning towards their boyfriend a gentle smile on their face. “We can eat this off each other if this is what works, non?” Alexander did his best not to physically cringe, still feeling fairly small, sex was absolutely not the answer. 

“Maybe later. I really have to go.” He replied still searching the couch for his wallet and key. Lafayette frowned, it was obvious that their boyfriend had been crying, not for the first time in their relationship, but Alexander was always one to seek out comfort, especially physical comfort. Distance was typically saved for insane work binges and for some reason whenever a Disney movie was playing. There had been far too many arguments that Lafayette had to calm down over his refusal to watch cartoons. 

“ How the fuck can you not love the magic of Disney?” Hercules’s voice rang in his ear. 

“Alright mon amour. Did you maybe need these?” They asked holding up the elusive wallet and key that he had found in the refrigerator. Alexander huffed. 

“Thanks. I gotta go.” He started out the door. 

“And this?” Lafayette called out, Alexander looked over to see his partner holding up his satchel, he had nearly forgotten he had to run to class. He reluctantly walked back over to grab his bag and gave Lafayette a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Thank you. I love you. Bye.” He said rushing to leave. 

Lafayette frowned as they watched him leave. The chaste kiss on the cheek and the disinterest in sex was a far cry from the impassioned man they knew not that they were too upset about that specifically, it was just the tiniest of the four seemed to have the largest libido, but even more concerning than that, they found there was half a pot of coffee left, meaning Alexander hadn’t finished it off. Hercules walked into the kitchen moments later slinking up to his partner from behind. 

“Good morning, Gorgeous, did you make enough of the frenchiest toast for me?” With an eye roll Lafayette set two plates and expressed their concern about the boyfriend’s behavior over breakfast.  
When Alexander arrived at work he avoided every attempt John made to talk to him, opting to organize inventory in the office. John came in later with a giant cup of coffee. 

“Hey Addict. I heard you haven’t had your fix this morning.” He grinned. Alex looked up at him, and realized that was why he couldn’t figure out what went where. 

“Thank you.” He took the cup and looked back down at the files in front of him, without another acknowledgement to the other man’s presence. John stood there staring at him. Later, he thought. He pressed a kiss to the top of his head and walked away somewhat hurt at the lack of conversation. It was normal for Alexander to be so intensely focused on his work that he forgot other people existed but with the spaced out look on his face, John knew it wasn’t that. 

Alexander had been struggling to focus all day and not go back to the apartment and lock himself in his office and give in to what his body seemed to be asking for. John is right, he thought, I’m just an addict I don’t need that. Everyone else can act like an adult all the time. He frowned. It’s not as if he could just take a break. He wasn’t like John who was adorable and relaxed and enjoys taking care of everyone. He wasn’t like Lafayette who was hot as hell with confidence to boot, yet still managed to make anyone they were talking to feel like the center of their world. He wasn’t like Hercules either who was ruggedly handsome, extremely talented, and very protective over anyone he deemed friend. He’s just Alexander, and just Alexander needs to work twice as hard so he can prove he can, at a bare minimum, get things done. One of those things was not going to be this inventory, because while lost in thought John came into the office again. 

“Honey you need to get going if you want to make it to class.” John said from the doorway. Alexander set down the pen he had been chewing and glanced at the time. 

“Shit. Thank you John.” He grabbed his satchel from the corner of the room, it physically hurt to leave his task unfinished, but being late to class was incomprehensible. He paused before rushing out, “I love you so so much,” he pecked his boyfriend’s cheek before running towards campus leaving the coffee cold and forgotten on the desk.  
“You forgot to clock out again.” John called quietly to his boyfriend who was already out the door. He picked up the coffee cup to throw it out, only to find it mostly full. Shaking his head he began to clean up. 

Alexander ran in just before the door was about to close, only to run into some guy. The man turned around, and Alex was almost taken aback by how much he looked like his Lafayette. He had for the time being convinced his brain that he needed to be an adult, and holding onto the composure he had built up for dear life, he mustered up a smile, and held his hand out. 

“Sorry about that, Alexander Hamilton.” The other man simply raised an eyebrow. “Thomas Jefferson.” He responded, before turning to find a seat, Alexander put his hand down, frowning, he looked to find—and of course the man decided to sit next to Burr and Madison, his seat. He wasn’t best friends or anything with either one, but he and Madison got along well enough in undergrad, and it was always good for a laugh to see Burr’s politician-like answers to every question, a strong contrast to Alexander’s strong opinions, the man has an opinion on opinions damnit. The class seemed to pass quickly with Alexander mindlessly doodling while trying to listen. He was already ahead and had written a paper—that wasn’t even an assignment— on everything being covered today, everything was fine until the new guy, Jefferson, opened his big mouth when a topic was opened for discussion. When Alexander couldn’t shut his own big mouth in argument, both were asked to leave the class and think about whether or not they had the ability to act with decorum in a classroom or courtroom before returning. Alexander was fuming it wasn’t the first time he had been kicked out of a class for refusing to shut up, but it hit much harder today and every bit of self control he had been building up was threatening to leave. He made it to his apartment and brushed by Lafayette who walked towards him with open arms and locked himself in his office. He pulled out Manny, his paci, and his blanky; slid under his desk and started to cry. 

Alex stayed under the desk cuddling the soft objects close to him and suckling at the pacifier until he began to calm down. He felt a rumble in his tummy, and looked down to his bear miserably. Manny seemed to be telling him to go eat. 

“Can’t.” He said quietly “I stay.” He told Manny all about his horrible day and how bad he missed the bear though most of it came out as jumbled nonsense behind the pacifier. When he was done telling his story the teddy bear looked very sympathetic, so Alex brought him back up to his chest for some more cuddles.

While Alex was telling his teddy bear about his very bad day, John came back home from work. Lafayette was strewn across the couch in their pink satin robe watching something on his phone.

“Hello Angel. How was your day off?” John went to give them a kiss. 

“Mmm very relaxing, though I missed all of my loves very much. That one,” they gestured in the direction of Alexander’s office, “is not feeling very friendly today.” John’s brow knitted in confusion. 

“Alexander is home already?” He asked. 

“Oui. For hours now. Class ended early I suppose. It is strange he didn’t go to the library afterwards though.” The two shared a look and Lafayette got up to follow John to the office. John knocked on the door. 

“Alexander?” He called. No response. He tried to open the door and found it was locked. 

“Mon Chou? I know you are in there. Please. Unlock the door.” 

“Honey, if it’s about this morning it’s okay.” John tried, while jiggling the handle as if it would somehow unlock. 

“What happened this morning?” Lafayette asked in confusion.

“He had a bad dream,” John responded then raised his voice, “which is nothing to be embarrassed over!” 

Hercules walked inside to the sounds of his partners trying to coax Alexander out of his office. He crept up behind them 

“What’s going on?” Herc boomed. Lafayette jumped around while John merely rolled his eyes. Hercules grinned while Laf huffed. 

“Le petit démon s'est enfermé et m'inquiète malade” they replied haughtily. Hercules tried the doorknob only to receive a glare from his boyfriend. 

“We’ve tried that.” John growled. Hercules frowned. He’d been trying to text Alexander all day, as had the other two, though it was not uncommon for his forgetful boyfriend to lose his phone, he would typically check his messages before setting it down somewhere.

Alex curled as tightly inside the desk as he could hugging his comfort objects close to him, pacifer bobbing frantically. When the voices from the other side of the door stopped he began to calm down. This wasn’t like when he lived alone. He wasn’t fully relaxed in his headspace there was still a layer of self consciousness and fear, but it brought him great comfort to whisper to the bear, 

“Don’t worry Manny. They’re gone.” Before he could give the teddy bear a hug of reassurance, he heard a faint click followed by the slow groan of the door. Panicked, but unable to push away his headspace at a moments notice, he squeaked, tucked his knees to his chest, and threw the blanky over himself and Manny, holding the bear at tightly as he could and burying his face in the fur. 

“Alexander?” John surveyed the messy room. 

“Mon amour?” Laf called in to the room slowly entering. 

“Sweetheart?” Hercules asked. The three looked around for a second before seeing a bit of jacket poking out from the desk. The three looked at each other in confusion. John was the first to walk quietly towards the desk. 

“Hey Honey. Who are you hiding from?” He asked gently unsure of exactly what he was dealing with. Alexander gripped Manny even tighter. They found him. Maybe he could avoid them finding out and breaking up with him. 

“You.” He said called softly from under the blanket, pacifier still in his mouth. “Please go ‘way.” John sighed, he looked up at the other two who looked as confused and concerned as he felt. Did he do something wrong? He wondered. Maybe he should have gone with his first instinct this morning. 

“Would you rather talk to Herc or Laf?” John asked the blanket sadly. 

“No!” Alex cried pacifier popping out of his mouth, rolling off his knee and under the small space between his blanky and the floor. He tried to quickly grab it, but John was quicker. Alex began to hyperventilate. He’d been short with John and Lafayette today, and he hadn’t even seen Hercules today , he’d been locked in his office writing nonstop for the past few days, and now he wasn’t going to see them again. Alex began to shake, of course they were all so kind they’d offer to let him stay on the couch til he found a place, but there was no way he could live in that humiliation. John gently tugged the blanket from over his boyfriend’s head. 

“Hey! Honey,” John tried to keep his voice calm. He hated seeing anyone especially one of his loves so distraught, “Baby, please try to breath.” He looked up to the other two for help. Hercules stepped forward helping John up and taking the pacifier from his hand. He waved the two away both looking sad and distraught at the state of their boyfriend, as they walked out of the room in uncertainty, he turned his attention to Alex. 

“Hey Sweetheart can I hold your hand?” He asked in a soft tone so different from his normal thundering. Alex looked at him confused. Was this a goodbye? He slowly reached his hand out from under the desk to comply. “Thank you so much.” Herc smiled softly at him. “Now can you breath with me? Big breath in,” he exaggeratedly sucked in a big breath, “one, two, three,” then exaggerated a big breath out. He continued until Alex was doing it on his own. “Good job, Sweetheart.” He offered a big smile. “I bet that you’ve had a really hard day today, huh?” Alex nodded slowly breath hitching again, was he just going to wait to break up with him until tomorrow? “Hey, come on now, big breaths.” Herc chided gently. “Do you know what really helps me when I’ve had a really hard day?” Alex shook his head completely unsure of what was happening, he brought his thumb to his mouth seeking extra comfort. “I like to have a yummy snack, and take a nice long nap with extra snuggles. Does that sound nice?” Alex buried his head against Manny sobbing again. “Hey little one,” Herc rubbed the boy’s back, “what’s wrong?” 

“N-N-o-o more sn-sn-snug-gles.” Alex cried. Hercules feigned a shocked gasp. 

“Oh no! Why no more snuggles?” 

“Cau-ause. Y-y-you th-three know. I’m ba-ad an-and hate me!” The boy wailed in distress. Hercules sighed and pulled the sobbing boy from under the desk into his lap, hugging him tightly ignoring the wet patch transferring on to his clothes. Alex kept his hold on Manny and wrapped his arms around Hercules’ neck burying his face into the man. 

“You know that isn’t true. I love you. John loves you, Laf loves you, none of us care if you’re feeling big or small. You are not bad for having something that comforts you okay?” He continued at the lack of response, “John colors, Laf does their their makeup, I watch trash movies, you’re little. Do any of us hurt anyone?” He asked, Alex still had his nose buried in his neck but he felt some movement. “Could you use your words?” 

“No.” Alex responded quietly. 

“That’s right. We don’t, but if we didn’t have these things then one day one of us would get really stressed out and have a big meltdown and because we all love each other I think the other three would get really worried about them. I know I would be really worried and really sad if Lafayette thought we would judge them for their makeup, and they had a meltdown and locked themselves in a bedroom. Wouldn’t you?” There was quiet for just a moment. 

“Yes.” Alex responded voice barely above a whisper he lifted his head looking at the very sensible sounding man. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“It’s okay little one. I know it must’ve been pretty scary to have us find out something you weren’t ready to share.” Alex bobbed his head earnestly. Hercules gave him a big smile. “When you’re feeling big again, the four of us are going to have a big talk, but for now,” he stood up with a grunt, Alex tightening his grip “we need to get you cleaned up, fed, and into something warm and cozy yeah?” Alex nodded against the man, still holding onto Manny’s paw, eyes slowly closing as an enormous weight slowly lifted off his chest. 

Laf and John both stood up from the couch when they heard Herc’s light humming approach from the office. Alex dropped the teddy bear when his eyes closed and the lack of sleep from the whole week crashed down at once. When they took in Hercules carrying the boy to the bathroom they both gave questioning looks. Herc gave back a look that clearly said “ we’re good we’ll talk later.” Despite having no clarification both relaxed. 

Everything was going to be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright Kiddo,” Hercules began, setting Alex down. “We’re going to make this really quick, he set to stripping the sodden clothes and cleaning him off in the tub. Alex was fairly compliant only letting out a light whine every now and then. “Good job Pumpkin, can you stand up for me?” Hercules offered his hand, and Alex took it slowly standing up, when he was sure the boy was sturdy he reached around and grabbed his favorite huge fluffy towel to drape over the little one.   
“Thank you” Alex murmured behind his pacifier. He felt a lot better physically, but his adult headspace was now reminding him that he had pissed himself in front of his boyfriend and was now sucking a pacifier after being bathed by the boyfriend in question. 

“Of course my little love. Can you step out for me?” Alex merely nodded, on the verge of tears for what seemed like the millionth time that day. He pulled his hand away from Hercules and climbed out by himself. “Good job!” Hercules smiled encouragingly. A blush rose to Alexander’s cheeks. “Let’s go get dressed.” 

“I’ve got it, you really don’t have to do this. I’m sorry I pulled you into this...” he thought for a moment, “this fucked coping mechanism.” Alexander stared down at the floor extremely conflicted. He’d never had someone take care of him while little. It was really nice, but now, he just felt guilty. He’d accidentally pulled one of his boyfriends into this, and he could only assume that at least one of the other two would be put off by this. What if someone thought this was a sexual thing? Alexander trusted these men more than anything, but the anxiety over this sent his thoughts all over the place. 

“Stop.” Hercules boomed. His normal voice replaced the gentleness he’d been using with the baby. Alex looked up at him confused. 

“Stop what?”

“Whatever you’re thinking. You haven’t been sleeping, you’ve had a stressful day. Come on,” he offered his hand out. Alexander looked at the outstretched hand for a moment before taking it lightly. “All four of us are going to talk about all of this later. For now, I think you need to get into some pjs and have a nice long nap, right?” Alex hesitated, but nodded and grasped the other man’s hand a bit tighter, sticking firmly to his side, trying not to look at the people on the couch who were waiting anxiously to figure out what was going on with their boyfriend. When they got to the bedroom Alex sat on the bed, towel still draped around him.

“Do you have any little clothes?” Hercules asked, preparing to head back to the office where Alex’s secret stash seemed to be located.

“No. Got rid of them.” Alex replied solemnly.

“Alright,” Herc hesitated, not wanting to add to the little guy's embarrassment, “what about diapers?” Alex’s face grew bright red, and he shook his head.

“Those too,” he responded barely above a whisper. Hercules frowned. That would have to be remedied eventually. He rifled through Alex’s drawer and managed to find some boxers and a soft fluffy lilac hoodie among the disorganized unfolded mess. 

“Hmm, I’m pretty sure this isn’t yours, is it?” He smiled. Alex managed a small sheepish smile despite his previous embarrassment. 

“It’s really really comfy.” He responded earnestly.

“I bet, it’s super soft,” he responded, noting the hoodie he had been missing for weeks right under Laf’s, “you little thief.” He dug around a little more out of curiosity, and found a pair of sweatpants he had helped John comb the apartment for just the other day, and one of his t-shirts, a comb that definitely belonged to Laf, a t-shirt of John’s, finally he stopped digging, remembering he had a tired little boy to attend to. “Is there anything in that dresser that belongs to you?” He asked, only mostly joking.

“Uh huh.” Alex responded, playing with the towel. “A lot.” Hercules chuckled. 

“Do you need help getting dressed?” Alex frowned at the question. He still wasn’t exactly sure where he stood, but Herc was being super nice. And it was nice to have someone take care of him. He shook his head, the uncertainty reigned.Hercules handed him the sweatpants and stolen sweatshirt. Alex looked at the clothes a bit helplessly. He had been little by himself lots of times, Manny usually helped talk him through when he had to do big boy stuff, like change his clothes or get food. He looked to the bear for support, but Manny didn’t seem to be saying anything, he decided that his teddy bear was probably shy and upset, especially since he told him that the other three wouldn’t like him. Hercules watched Alex contemplate for a moment making no move to put the clothes on, until he stepped forward.

“How about I help you this time, Buddy?” He suggested. 

After he was dressed, Hercules tucked him in, and sat next to him until he fell asleep, which took about two minutes. When he was sure the boy was asleep he kissed his temple and sighed before making his way out to his partners. Laf and John looked up the second they heard the bedroom door open.

“Well?” John asked worriedly, barely allowing Herc a moment to sit down.

“Is my Alexander okay?” Laf asked, equally as anxious. They had seen Alex burnt out from overworking himself many times, it was something the three of them were trying to minimize since moving in together, and something they-save the past week-had been succeeding at, but Alexander hiding under a blanket under his desk was something new. 

“He’s fine, my loves. He’s just a bit anxious and a bit embarrassed, but right now he’s asleep.” Herc assured them, scooching between the two.

“What happened?” John asked. “How did you just know what was going on and what to do?” He asked. Neither himself nor Lafayette had any idea what was going on. 

“Well,” Hercules began thoughtfully, “as you know, I am a bit of a slut.” John squinted his eyes at the other man, while Lafayette raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“So this is a sexual issue?” Laf asked disbelievingly.

“No… Well… I don’t think so.” 

“So…” John started “You’re just bragging?” He was doing his best to follow. Hercules sighed.

“No, but I’ve gotten to know very intimate details about a lot of different people.” He winked, maybe he was bragging a little, if only to himself, “I told him we’d all talk about all of this later, when he’s feeling… more up to it, but…” He didn’t want to get anything wrong for Alexander and mess up his explanation before he could even give it, but he also didn’t want his partners to be anxious and confused for however long it took for Alex to wake up and come out of his headspace. “Are either of you familiar with age play?” he asked, when the two looked at each other in confusion, he went into a detailed explanation of the overall concept, and then its subcategories. 

“Thank you Alexander.” Lafayette quipped after the very detailed and long winded explanation. Hercules rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, I don’t know exactly what his little space looks like for him, but at least you have some context.” Everyone sat in silence for a moment as Lafayette and John processed what they had just heard, as Herc watched the wheels turning in amusement. When they heard the door slowly creak open, John lunged for the remote and turned on the television, and sat back, the other two followed suit trying to act casual. Alexander stood by the couch for a moment, rolling his eyes while they were all pretending to be very interested in the Cheerios commercial that was currently playing.

“Oh hey Alexander!” John exclaimed, far too enthusiastically. “How’re you doing?” He asked more sincerely.

“Since when do any of you watch anything you can’t stream?”

“We are all feeling… nostalgiques.” Lafayette tried, playing into the charade. “Are you alright mon trésor?” he asked carefully after.

“Uh huh.” Alexander crossed his arms, he was still nervous about the conversation, but the fact that all of them were trying to not make him feel self-conscious about the fact that they were talking about him, was kind of sweet, and adorably transparent. He reached for the remote that John had thrown to the side in a hurry, and turned the television back off. “So I guess we should talk.”


	3. Chapter 3

“So...” Alexander drew out before giving basically the same recap Hercules had just given. 

“Hang on!” John exclaimed in the middle of the definition of age play. “We just learned all of this.”

“Hercules would make you run away from your money.” Laf assured. No one bothered to correct them. 

“Oh.” Alex frowned feeling slightly offended. He prided himself on his speaking ability. He had prepared himself when he woke up, and learned things even he didn’t know, but he decided to skip to the Q&A. “Alright then, does anyone have any questions, comments, concerns?” 

“Why don’t you just tell us what your little space is like?” Hercules suggested. Alexander blushed. He knew it would eventually have to get personal, but he had only really prepared definitions and detached explanations. He called his plan, “The Aaron Approach,” but in his still-groggy hope-fueled state where he really wanted to get his next conversation over with, he forgot to account for the fact that his partners were in fact, his partners who obviously wanted to know what was going on with their boyfriend more than general facts and easy smiles. 

“Well, it kind of comes up sometimes... It has for a while now. I’m not sure when I started doing this, but...” He was at an uncharacteristic loss for words. “I guess I’m just younger... I thought after we moved in, I’d just be...” he stopped and rubbed the back of neck. “I love all of you. So much. I just thought I could avoid all of the things that make me go into little mode, because I’m not who I usually am and I’m not really the person you all agreed to be in a relationship with... I guess.” He struggled, not really sure how to express everything he was thinking for once. 

“You’re such a pain in the ass, Hamilton.” John rolled his eyes. He could tell his boyfriend was trying, but the pieces he had put together weren’t sitting right with him. “All four of us have been in multiple relationships yeah?” He looked at the other two sarcastically, Laf and Herc merely nodded unsure where John was going, and he looked back to Alexander pointedly who mimicked his partners uncertainly. “Okay, well everyone brings different things to the table, some good stuff, some bad stuff, and what you’ve just brought to the table is harmless stuff that’s stressing you out to the point where the people who couldn’t write a paper on the subject before today so incredibly worried about you when we could have been helping you the whole time!” His voice grew louder and angrier until Herc put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, which he reached up and grabbed angrily. Lafayette interjected. 

“I think what our boyfriend is trying to say,” they looked around at John pointedly, “is that we are confused why you did not tell us sooner.” They said far more gently. “We love you, you are... notre indispensable.” 

Alexander took pause. One of things he hated most in the world was admitting that he was wrong, which, to be fair, came from being a bit of a pretentious know-it-all who wasn’t often wrong. He took John’s anger and wanted to shout back how it was none of his business in the first place and how if he hadn’t tried to invade his personal office then he would be none the wiser and it wouldn’t have worried him in the first place, but Lafayette’s words gave him pause, and he noticed Hercules was comforting both of them, and looked a bit sad himself. Alexander faltered. 

As he stood in silence in front of his partners with his head reeling he thought about what Hercules had said earlier. He would be really worried if any of them behaved the way he had, he would probably be equally sad, worried, and stressed, if one of his partners felt they couldn’t come to him with anything. He couldn’t think of anything that would propel him to the judgements he had assumed of them. He grew a bit more confident.

“I know I’m a pain in the ass.” He conceded. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I do trust you,” he looked to all of them, “all of you. I’m sorry. I know we have to be honest with each other. I guess I was just really embarrassed. It’s not something you really even know how to tell people and there’s never really a time that seems appropriate to say, ‘Hey sometimes I’m a little kid who sucks a pacifier and occasionally I piss myself.’ You know?” He looked at the ground, blushing at his own admission. “I’m sorry that I do this, really. it’s just something that... I don’t know... works for me?” He hurried to add, “I really just don’t want it to affect any of you. Not that I don’t appreciate you... you know-” he looked to Hercules, feeling for the right thing to say “-helping me out earlier it’s just you don’t need to. Really. I’ve been dealing with it by myself for a long time just you know, if it happens again just don’t come into my office.” He stopped for a moment trying to gauge the expressions in the room before looking back down at his feet to continue in a hopeful tone at a slightly manic pace. “I can try to warn you and I can try to figure something else out that works, usually even if I feel like being little I can usually just ignore it, it’s just sometimes... Well, today for instance-“

“Alexander!” Laf interrupted the rambling. They stood up and grabbed his hand leading him to sit next to them on the couch, when they were both seated, they gently pulled him down so he was awkwardly laying on his side across Laf with his head on Herc’s thigh. He rolled on his back so he was looking up at them, and looked up towards John who started running his fingers through the smaller man’s hair. “I do not care if you are Alexander mon amoureux or my tiny Alexander, you are our Alexander. I do not like seeing you so sad and scared. I am very sorry you were so embarrassed but I think it is a good thing that you have something that helps you relax.” They said gently scratching at the smooth underfed stomach that was revealed when their hoodie, a topic Laf decided could wait until this bout of drama was over, rode up. They continued, “In fact you should do it more often if this is the case. I will take care of you any time.” 

“Me too,” Hercules added his arm supporting Alexander’s neck.

“You really don’t have to be involved.” Alexander protested weakly. He had never had anyone take care of him in little space before, except for Manny, but he didn’t really do as good a job as Herc had. 

“Listen,” John started, “you are a pain in the ass, but you are our pain in the ass and we want to.” He stopped playing with Alexander’s hair for a minute and leaned down to catch his lips. He came back up and went back his poor attempt at a braid. “Plus I’d bet a million billion dollars that you are an adorable kid.” He added.

“Oh he is.” Herc confirmed using his free hand to gently bop Alexander’s nose, grinning when the man who was now sprawled out over everyone groaned in feigned annoyance, and turned away from his partners in way that was still accommodating all of their comforting touches. After a moment of everyone recharging from the discussion, Alexander felt another, smaller pang of guilt left over from earlier today. He sighed and rolled off his partners and caught himself on the floor. 

“One sec.” He called on his way to the bedroom. When he emerged he found the three in their same spots albeit much more relaxed and snuggled in. He walked towards them, clutching his loyal brown bear. “Um, so, this is Manny.” He introduced, he felt a bit awkward and uncertain introducing his teddy bear while big. He didn’t have pretend conversations with him when he wasn’t feeling little, but there was still a part of him no matter how small, that wanted the bear to meet the three people he told him so much about, and that felt really bad that the poor teddy had to live in his desk drawer for six months. Lafayette was the first to speak. 

“Salut Manny!” They introduced happily, then quickly cupped a hand over their mouth, and stage whispered “Parle-t-il français?” Alexander shook his head. 

“A veces habla español.” He responded quietly, still shy about the whole thing, but the anxiety had left. “Mostly English though.” Lafayette nodded solemnly. 

“Hello Manny, it is very nice to meet you.” They held out their hand. Alexander had an overall understanding of ridiculousness of a grown man formally introducing his teddy bear to his partners, but the part that felt it was owed to the stuffie in his arms, walked over and let Laf shake the bear’s hand.

“Hey Manny,” Hercules switched back to the gentle voice he had been using earlier. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier, I was just a little worried about our Alexander is all, thanks for helping me out getting him to sleep.” He held out his hand but Alex, who was gradually slipping could tell Manny wanted to say something to him first. He held the bear up to his ear. Alex nodded at the very wise teddy bear. 

“Um. He says, ‘you’re welcome and that it’s just Alex when he’s little” Alex related for the bear shrugging his shoulders and held the stuffie out so Herc could shake his hand. 

“Thank you for letting me know Manny.” Hercules responded very seriously to the bear. He leaned his face in closer to the stuffed animal and very slightly lowered his volume “Between you and me I think Alex is still a little bit shy, so please let me know if there’s anything else that would make him more comfortable.” Alex helped Manny shake his head, because the teddy bear was always willing to give sound advice. Hercules winked at the bear, “Thank you, Manny you seem like a very good friend.” 

“He is.” Alex assured. Finally, it was John’s turn. 

“Hey Manny, I’m John.” Alex brought Manny up to whisper in his ear again.   
“He says he knows ‘cause he heard lots about all of you,” he looked to the bear and brought him back up to his ear and frowned. “He also wanted you to know that he really wishes he coulda met you all earlier but he was too scared and that was bad and he’s really really really sorry.” John frowned at the bear’s message and paused for a moment while Alex pulled the bear to his chest for a hug. 

“It’s not bad to be scared, Al-“ Manny.” John explained trying to look down at the stuffed animal instead of the boy clutching it. “In fact, I think that you are pretty great bear, just because you’re such good friends with Alex who is one of the best people I know.” He assured, and sighed. “I think an important lesson everyone learned today is that people can act pretty silly when they’re scared, but that it’s important to tell the people you love how you feel, or else they get scared and act silly too, then they scare people and those people act silly and then,” John let out a long dramatic sigh, “everyone in the whole world is too scared and silly to do anything about the scary stuff and that doesn’t sound like much fun does it?” Both Alex and Manny shook their heads in response. “Anyway, I’m very happy to meet you now, and I’m sorry you were scared for so long. Could you also please make sure Alex knows that I’m really sorry that I yelled earlier, and that I was just a little scared?” Manny nodded his head and both him and his owner came in for a big hug. Alex gave him a sloppy peck on the cheek feeling even better about the situation from earlier, after a big hug, he stood up and did his best to pull himself together, but he realized Manny had one more question, so again, he pulled him up to his ear. 

“So Manny was wondering if he could maybe stay in the bedroom now that he met everyone.” Alex asked for the bear, trying his best to sound nonchalant. “Um, but it’s okay if he can’t, he has a drawer to himself with my-uh-his blanky. Lafayette tutted. 

“Let Manny know we insist.” They responded. “A drawer is nice for a little bit, but I think he would be much happier being out and about non?” Alex couldn’t contain his grin and he ran up to them, kneeled down, and he and Manny gave them a kiss on their cheeks. Lafayette couldn’t help but grin back at the enthusiasm and gave each Alex and Manny a kiss on the forehead. Alex began to run towards the bedroom to give Manny the official tour. 

There was still a lot to talk about, but that night, everyone, even Alexander, went to bed, much happier and much more relaxed than the night before, and for tonight, that would be enough.


End file.
